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Sunday, April 21, 2013

April Showers

Although Bridal and Baby Showers are not exclusively held in the Springtime, statistically there are more "Spring Showers" then any other time of the year. I often get asked questions regarding etiquette do's and don'ts, and lately I've had quite a few regarding Shower etiquette. As Bridal and Baby Showers differ in many ways I will address them separately, but there are some aspects that remain the same for both. Let's start in traditional order... with the Bride.

Bridal Showers are traditionally hosted by the Maid of Honor in coordination with the Bridesmaids. It is taboo for immediate family members to host the Bridal Shower (unless they are in the Bridal Party) as it is seen as "gift mongering".

Depending on how much you put into hosting a Shower, the event itself is considered the gift from the host. However, if you are a Bridesmaid and your contribution is a plate of cookies, you should include a small gift off the registry as well. If you are in the Bridal party and are unable to help plan, or to attend the Shower you are still obligated to send a gift.

Bridal Shower's are generally held 1 to 2 months before the wedding, but can be held up to 6 months before the wedding for special circumstances. Invitations should be sent out 4 to 6 weeks before the Shower.

Every person invited to a Bridal Shower should also be invited to the Wedding. The only exception is a Shower that is thrown by co-workers at your place of employment. Co-workers may wish to help you celebrate your happy event, but it is not expected that you invite every person you work with to the Wedding.

Traditionally a Bride has ONE Bridal Shower. The only exceptions to this rule are work related Showers with co-workers, and out of state Showers thrown by out of state family and friends who cannot make it to the main Shower. Having multiple Showers (one for the Bride's side, one for the Groom's side, one for friends, etc.) is very rude and seen as a selfish way to accumulate gifts. A Bridal Shower is the first of many events to bring both sides of the family together to get to know each other and celebrate a major life event.

Baby Showers have a few different rules of etiquette. A Baby Shower can be hosted by anyone, and generally the future Grandmothers should be included in some small way.

Baby Showers should be held anywhere from 1 to 3 months before the baby is due. Guests will want to see the mom-to-be in her big belly glory, but you don't want it too close in case the baby decides to make an early entrance. It is also acceptable to have a Baby Shower after the baby is born, especially when there are medical reasons, or it's an adoption. Baby Showers for mothers who have adopted their new precious family member should avoid games that relate to pregnancy.

The host of a Baby Shower should be considerate of the mom-to-be's comfort level, food choices (some women will have food issues all through their pregnancy), and games. Never choose games that would embarrass the guest of honor!

Once again, a Baby Shower is a one time event. The few exceptions to this rule are the 2 mentioned above, and if there has been a significant amount of time between children (like 10 years!). However, it is perfectly acceptable to have a "Baby Sprinkle". This is something that has recently gained popularity, and is an event that is smaller than a Shower, and only for a few small gifts (blankets, onesies, pajamas, etc.) the parents may need for their newest addition. A Baby Sprinkle is a great way to celebrate a new life with friends and family without them feeling like they are being manipulated into buying another expensive gift.

Although it's not mandatory, it is a nice gesture to bring a small gift for any older siblings that may be feeling left out with all the attention going to the new baby.

Bridal and Baby Showers should include a few quick games, unwrapping the gifts, and food and beverages. The amount of food you should have depends on the time of day you plan the Shower. If it's planned around lunch or dinner, then plan on having food that serves as a meal. If it's an early morning brunch style Shower, or mid-afternoon, then finger foods and tea cakes are all you need.

Any Shower should last 2 to 3 hours. Any longer than that and guests will get annoyed and restless.

If you are an invited guest to a Bridal or Baby Shower and are unable to attend you are not obligated to send a gift. However, if the guest of honor is a close friend or relative, it would be nice to send a gift to show your love and support.

If you have questions or concerns about gift buying you can refer to a previous post I made on the topic here, and my post on general Hosting Etiquette can be found here.

At the end of the day, a Bridal and Baby Shower should be a fun, and joyous gathering of friends and family to celebrate a new event in a loved one's life.

What was your favorite thing about a Bridal or Baby Shower that you have attended or given? What is the worst part of a Shower you have attended?


  1. I had the best Bridal shower hosted by my maid of honor, my friend and soul sister Cindy Parsell!! I had so much fun with my bridal party. Also I agree that it is rude from a bridesmaid to not get a small gift for the bride for insignificant that it may look, its always nice to do it.
    Before accepting to be a bridesmaid, you should think about your time and money.
    Baby showers one suggestion if the shower its at a house please TURN OFF THE TV!!

    1. Thanks! I did the best I could with the 3 weeks we had to plan your wedding! ;)

      And...who leaves a TV on at a Shower?!!!

  2. This is very useful information on showers. Couple of months ago, I arranged my best friend’s bridal shower event at one of lovely San Francisco venues. Invited all our friends and we all had excellent time at this event. Yummy food was served there!