You Get More Flies With Honey: Dealing with Bad Business Etiquette

I'm pretty sure that most adults can recount at least one childhood memory of being bullied by another child. In today's culture there is a huge movement to work against childhood bullying, but what happens when the bully is an adult? Yesterday I read a story posted on Facebook that was by a woman who was a witness to an adult bully. This post has gone viral, and has even gotten the attention of the mainstream media.

Vanessa Hunt was visiting M Spa in Portage, Michigan over the weekend, and watched a mother of a 2 1/2 year old boy try to hold her son in her lap for a haircut that he was not thrilled to be getting. As a mother, Vanessa sympathized with the woman holding her crying son, because she remembers having the same experience with her own son. Unfortunately, what should have been a brief haircut quickly turned into a public confrontation that literally makes my stomach turn! The owner of M Spa, Michelle Mott, decided to publicly berate and humiliate the mother for her sons crying, causing the mother to tearfully apologize over and over for her son's behavior, and trying to unsuccessfully explain that her son has autism.

Having several children with special needs in my family, and in the families of close friends, this story hits close to home. I am an advocate for children with special needs, but I am also an advocate for teaching children manners and how to behave appropriately in public. However, this is harder to teach to children with special needs, and even harder with toddlers. It is up to adults to learn how to appropriately handle toddlers and children with special needs. And if you own/manage a business that does business with children, special needs or not, you must find a way to work with them that is best for the child, their parents, other customers, and staff members. Michelle Mott chose to ignore this basic rule of business etiquette, forcing the mother to have her son's haircut finished out on the front lawn, and making other customers extremely uncomfortable with her rant.

Currently, Michelle Mott is neither taking accountability for her unethical behavior nor offering a public apology. Instead she has sent her attorney to make a public statement claiming Ms. Mott's actions were appropriate because this was a "safety issue". Regardless of the reasons for her actions, the way she handled the situation was anything but "appropriate" and has led to a public boycott of M Spa that currently has just under 10,000 supporters on Facebook.  There you will read many stories from past M Spa customers that have had similar experiences, and this past weekend isn't the first time she has brought a customer to tears!

Furthermore, a recent "roundtable" discussion of this story on HLN has brought up another related issue.


One of the hosts states this is a "private matter" and whatever happened to "mind your own business". This could very easily have been, and should have been, handled privately, but it became a matter of public opinion when Michelle Mott conducted her rant in front of other patrons and staff. Furthermore, it is the mindset of "mind your own business" that encourages inappropriate behavior and bullying. Well done HLN host! Not only have you have showed the world that you are an uninformed participate of the discussion, but your "mind your own business" statement has shown you to be an advocate for bullying!

The concept of "children should be seen and not heard" is not only archaic, but unreasonable. As a society we should be supportive of parents with small children. Children should be raised to be respectful, and well-mannered, but sometimes they may need a bit more consideration, especially with special needs. Adults should lead by example by being respectful, and well mannered, especially when working in a field that involves customer service. Practicing good business etiquette will also help your business flourish and grow. A good quote to remember is: "You get more flies with honey than vinegar".

What are your thoughts on this situation?

Oldies But Besties!

Holiday weekends are always a fun time to spend with friends and family. Some people will have a barbecue, some have a pot luck, and some take the time to just relax. My favorite holiday weekends are the ones I get to spend with "My Girls" where the only rules of etiquette are "Just Have Fun!"

These are the girls that have been in my life for more years than not. They are the ones that were there through first childhood crushes and high school drama, fun weddings and devastating funerals, having babies and family feuds, breakups and breakouts, late night gossip sessions and late night phone calls. They're the ones who have shared a lifetime of memories with me and will always be there. Truer friends you will never find than these! These are "My Girls" and they are my family.

Dawn, Me, and Jodie. BFF's from the old neighborhood, and besties 'till the end!

Jodie, Connie, Dawn, and Me. Celebrating Dawn's 22nd Birthday

Crystal, Michele, and Me hanging out at a family birthday party

Crystal, Me, Jodie, and Patty. Just having fun like we always do when we are together!

Michele helping me move last summer. Because that's what friends are for. :) 

Dawn and I started a yearly tradition of meeting at 4 am on the first day of school every year. My bedroom window was about 12 feet away from her back door, and we would wake up super early just to chat away "Back to School" jitters.

Some inside jokes are meant to last forever... Even to the point of finding funny signs to help us remember a good time and a great laugh!

Michele and Jodie. I love this picture of them!

Me and Jodie having fun celebrating her husband's 40th birthday in April

Best friends are hard to find, but lifelong best friends are treasure so few people can say they have. I am one of the lucky ones! I love each and every memory we share, and look forward to the many memories we will make in the years to come!

What is your favorite thing to do on Holiday Weekends?

Double Dip or Finger Lick!

I recently ran across this funny little infographic.

Image Source From: Loveinfographics.com

The most interesting thing to me about this survey is that it is focused on an etiquette taboo like double dipping, yet it was conducted by the restaurant known for it's "finger licking good" food. It's a bit of an etiquette oxymoron, but brings up an equally grotesque habit... licking your fingers, or utensils, and then touching food others may eat.

It's very easy to get distracting preparing, cooking, or setting up food, get a little on your fingers, lick them, then continue without washing your hands. It's also a bad habit to taste test a dish and then continue to use the same utensil after it leaves your mouth. Let's not even start on the topic of hand feeding food to a pet then return to your cooking without washing! I suppose if your immediate family is accustomed to these practices then no one will complain, but please reserve these practices to the privacy of your immediate family, and spare your invited guests!

Aside from the "YUCK" factor of double dipping and finger licking, proper cooking and "eating etiquette" (which I'm defining as something different than dining etiquette) prevents the spread of germs. No one wants to go home from a dinner party and wake up with a bad cold, or food poisoning. Please remember to wash your hands, use separate utensils, and set out small plates and ramekins to allow guests their own portions of dipping sauce.

What is your biggest eating etiquette complaint?

Domestic Accomplishment!

Last week my mother flew in to Michigan for a quick visit. Upon hearing of her upcoming visit I instantly thought now is my opportunity to have her teach me how to accomplish the most dreaded and elusive domestic chore that continues to plague women in every generation... How to fold a fitted sheet!

I know, there are instructional videos on youtube, and I even read Martha Stewarts step by step instructions on how to fold a fitted sheet, but I always end up confused, frustrated, and still left with a lumpy, ill folded, fitted sheet in my neatly folded linen closet. I guess I learn best when taught in person. 

Well, I washed a load of sheets today and was once again faced with the daunting challenge of folding a fitted sheet. I reached into my brain, and pulled up the image of my mother patiently and slowly showing me how to fold each corner into the other and guess what happened next?!

I DID IT!!!!

I even think the top fitted sheet folded nicer than the bottom flat sheet. All thanks go to my wonderful mother for teaching me how!

We never think to ask how to do things when we are younger. It isn't until we are well into adulthood, and realize the importance of a certain domestic skill, art, craft, or even family recipe, that we begin to realize we really wish we would have asked a long time ago. Too many precious things are lost if we wait too long. My advice for today, dear readers, is set aside a day, or even a few hours, to visit with a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle, and ask them to teach something only they know how to do. Not only will you acquire a new skill but you will have fond memories of the learning process as well. 

What skill do you wish to learn from a friend or family member? Do you currently have a skill that has been passed down to you?

April Showers

Although Bridal and Baby Showers are not exclusively held in the Springtime, statistically there are more "Spring Showers" then any other time of the year. I often get asked questions regarding etiquette do's and don'ts, and lately I've had quite a few regarding Shower etiquette. As Bridal and Baby Showers differ in many ways I will address them separately, but there are some aspects that remain the same for both. Let's start in traditional order... with the Bride.

Bridal Showers are traditionally hosted by the Maid of Honor in coordination with the Bridesmaids. It is taboo for immediate family members to host the Bridal Shower (unless they are in the Bridal Party) as it is seen as "gift mongering".

Depending on how much you put into hosting a Shower, the event itself is considered the gift from the host. However, if you are a Bridesmaid and your contribution is a plate of cookies, you should include a small gift off the registry as well. If you are in the Bridal party and are unable to help plan, or to attend the Shower you are still obligated to send a gift.

Bridal Shower's are generally held 1 to 2 months before the wedding, but can be held up to 6 months before the wedding for special circumstances. Invitations should be sent out 4 to 6 weeks before the Shower.

Every person invited to a Bridal Shower should also be invited to the Wedding. The only exception is a Shower that is thrown by co-workers at your place of employment. Co-workers may wish to help you celebrate your happy event, but it is not expected that you invite every person you work with to the Wedding.

Traditionally a Bride has ONE Bridal Shower. The only exceptions to this rule are work related Showers with co-workers, and out of state Showers thrown by out of state family and friends who cannot make it to the main Shower. Having multiple Showers (one for the Bride's side, one for the Groom's side, one for friends, etc.) is very rude and seen as a selfish way to accumulate gifts. A Bridal Shower is the first of many events to bring both sides of the family together to get to know each other and celebrate a major life event.

Baby Showers have a few different rules of etiquette. A Baby Shower can be hosted by anyone, and generally the future Grandmothers should be included in some small way.

Baby Showers should be held anywhere from 1 to 3 months before the baby is due. Guests will want to see the mom-to-be in her big belly glory, but you don't want it too close in case the baby decides to make an early entrance. It is also acceptable to have a Baby Shower after the baby is born, especially when there are medical reasons, or it's an adoption. Baby Showers for mothers who have adopted their new precious family member should avoid games that relate to pregnancy.

The host of a Baby Shower should be considerate of the mom-to-be's comfort level, food choices (some women will have food issues all through their pregnancy), and games. Never choose games that would embarrass the guest of honor!

Once again, a Baby Shower is a one time event. The few exceptions to this rule are the 2 mentioned above, and if there has been a significant amount of time between children (like 10 years!). However, it is perfectly acceptable to have a "Baby Sprinkle". This is something that has recently gained popularity, and is an event that is smaller than a Shower, and only for a few small gifts (blankets, onesies, pajamas, etc.) the parents may need for their newest addition. A Baby Sprinkle is a great way to celebrate a new life with friends and family without them feeling like they are being manipulated into buying another expensive gift.

Although it's not mandatory, it is a nice gesture to bring a small gift for any older siblings that may be feeling left out with all the attention going to the new baby.

Bridal and Baby Showers should include a few quick games, unwrapping the gifts, and food and beverages. The amount of food you should have depends on the time of day you plan the Shower. If it's planned around lunch or dinner, then plan on having food that serves as a meal. If it's an early morning brunch style Shower, or mid-afternoon, then finger foods and tea cakes are all you need.

Any Shower should last 2 to 3 hours. Any longer than that and guests will get annoyed and restless.

If you are an invited guest to a Bridal or Baby Shower and are unable to attend you are not obligated to send a gift. However, if the guest of honor is a close friend or relative, it would be nice to send a gift to show your love and support.

If you have questions or concerns about gift buying you can refer to a previous post I made on the topic here, and my post on general Hosting Etiquette can be found here.

At the end of the day, a Bridal and Baby Shower should be a fun, and joyous gathering of friends and family to celebrate a new event in a loved one's life.

What was your favorite thing about a Bridal or Baby Shower that you have attended or given? What is the worst part of a Shower you have attended?

Will You Be My Partner?

What thoughts and images does the word "Partner" bring to mind? As children we are given study partners in class. Perhaps you hit the courts with a tennis partner, or have deadline to meet at work with your project partner. Maybe you want to start a company with your business partner, or dance a waltz with your dance partner. And let's not forget all those infamous partners in crime! According to the Oxford Dictionary, the primary definition of the word partner is: "a person who takes part in an undertaking with another or others, especially in a business or company with shared risks and profits".

In recent years we have seen a broadening of the definition of "partner" to refer to one's spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, and/or significant other. In a recent conversation with a friend regarding this topic it seems that with the growing popularity of this particular use of the word partner is also an increase of people who are confused, and even slightly offended by it. 

Is a marriage or dating relationship a partnership? Yes, of course it is, but that is not all that it is. Drawing from the Oxford definition above, being in a long term committed relationship is definitely a huge undertaking that offers shared "risks" and "profits", but that is just the tip of the iceberg! Being in a relationship is about sharing your whole life with someone on much deeper level than what is expected in a partnership. Relationships are filled with emotions, intimacy, and a security that is much more personal than that of a partnership. Being in a committed relationship with a significant other, or spouse is definitely more profound than having just a partner. Why then are we seeing a growth in the use of the word partner to refer to significant others?

I think the answer is in the question itself. Our society doesn't see our significant others as being very significant. In fact, our culture has such low expectations for personal relationships that the word "partner" is now more appropriate than "spouse". It is the degradation of our society that has removed the high importance of a life long marriage to one person, a relationship that comes with comes with risks, profits, intimacy, and commitment, and replaced it with a business like partnership that can be terminated at any time either partner see's fit. It has removed the covenant of marriage and replaced it with the legal contract. It has reduced expectations of relationships to the point that one simply looks to find a person to who makes them happy in the moment but can be released when the moment is gone, instead of looking for that person who will bring them a lifetime of joy amongst the sorrows and struggles that are inevitable in life. 

My husband is my partner in that we are in this life to work together in all things. More importantly he is my spouse, significant other, best friend, confidant, lover, and the man who brings me joy, comfort, and security on a level no other person can. To introduce my husband as my "Partner" would be an insult to the man he is, and to our marriage. Why would anyone want to use this word to describe someone so important to them? 

What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you introduce your spouse or significant other as your partner?

So NOT Normal

Today is World Down Syndrome Day, and in honor of this I would like to dedicate this post to all the children who don't fit into the "normal" mold.

Our "normal" Mother/Daughter photo

It has been almost 20 years since I was a scared 17 year old girl who gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Seventeen is pretty young to start raising a child on your own. Seventeen is still a "child" in many ways, and with many life lessons yet to learn. Yet, seventeen is when I became a single mother. Becoming a parent at any age comes with its own set of struggles, but becoming a parent at 17 takes parenting struggles to a whole new level. On a Monday morning following Easter Sunday, at 11:29 am, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, chubby faced, "normal" baby girl. This is where I cue the record scratch!

Normal? Corinne is anything and everything but "normal." Oh sure, I had dreams of decorating a princess pink bedroom with trunks of "dress up" clothes, play make-up, and curlers... but Corinne... she just wasn't having any of that! Trying to put a dress on that kid would make on-lookers think I was putting her into some sort of torture device! Not that Corinne was a tomboy, because she wasn't that either. That too would have been too "normal" but just in a different category. Corinne... well, she has just always wanted to be free. Free to be who she wanted, and free to do what she wanted. Which also meant that the idea of sitting in a classroom, diligently paying attention to lessons, studying, organizing her thoughts, and doing homework... well that was way too "normal" too.

1st day of school, and ironically not smiling!

Each and every day was a struggle. A struggle to get her to study and pass the next test, a struggle to get her to focus, even a struggle to just get her to turn in her assignments that were already completed. I spent years in and out of teacher conferences, educational planning meetings, counseling sessions... try this method, do this trick, buy this organizer, sign her up for these extra lessons, use this reprimand system, no wait...use this reward system... on and on it went, year after year full of old and new struggles, lots of frustration, and buckets of tears. Why can't my kid just be NORMAL?!!!

The answer was always because she is Corinne.  The girl who came out of the womb with a drawing pencil in her hand. Corinne couldn't sit down and focus on dry lessons because she was too busy staring out the window daydreaming of her next creative adventure. She couldn't focus on fractions because her mind was too focused on building other worlds. Most parents have to baby proof their homes when their children start to crawl. Not me. I never had to move any knick knacks, or rearrange bottom shelves, or put safety clips on cupboards and drawers. I could just give her a coloring book and crayons, and she would be content. Sitting down to do homework was like trying to run up hill against the wind, but put a Harry Potter book in her hand and she couldn't put it down. Trying to get her to complete a school project was like pulling teeth, but put a pair of scissors in her hand and she would give herself, and her friends, a stylish new hairdo. 

 Tell her to write a report and it was like the world was coming to an end, but put a pencil in her 

hand, and she would draw you something truly amazing that far surpassed the art skills for her age... at any age.

 
Trying to be a single parent to a child who excelled at all things artistic, but continuously struggled day after day with academic school work, was both a blessing, and a curse. Had I known then that there are schools out there for creative children like her, I would have done everything in my power to get her into one. But our struggles have made us both grow, and Corinne is now, and has always been, one really cool kid!

Every parent has struggles. I do not pretend to know how, or even relate to a parent who has struggles that are way different than mine. What I can relate to is getting dirty looks from other parents, and teachers because my child isn't a straight A student, which ultimately means I am somehow failing as a parent. I can relate to being told how to do this or do that to "improve" my child. I can relate to being an outsider as "That young single mother who can't control her child enough to pay attention in class," and I can relate to those who have children who break the "normal" mold, and love their children for the wonderful person they are.

I was 17 and pregnant, and I chose to give my child life. Even if someone came to me at the beginning and said "There is a genetic test we can do to see if your child would be normal in all ways" and I found out then that Corinne would always struggle with school, I would STILL have chosen to give her life! Yes, parenting is hard work, yes, there will be struggles and complications, and yes, your child will most likely be someone much different than what you had planned. But, each and every child is a blessing and deserves the right to live a life full of wondrous surprises, adventures, and lots of love! 90% of children with Down syndrome are aborted. Why? Because many people have a misinformed idea of what it means to be a parent. Most think having a child with Down syndrome is a lot scarier than it really is. And most people think having a "normal" child will be easy.

I will end this post with a quote by an amazing Mother who continues to inspire millions each and every day:

"Please don't kill the child. I want the child. Please give me the child. I am willing to accept any child who would be aborted, and to give that child to a married couple who will love the child, and be loved by the child. From our children's home in Calcutta alone, we have saved over 3,000 children from abortions. These children have brought such love and joy to their adopting parents, and have grown up so full of love and joy!" 
- Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta